Sunday, June 1, 2014

Normally, I will drop a quick batch of tweets on WWE PPV Sunday with my predictions. Less than 140 characters isn't the move. I've also been thinking about (read: missing) my blackrasslin' podcast, and wanted to resurrect at least the predictions on this site that I know people rock with but I neglect (because busy). In any case, Payback goes down tonight on PPV and the WWE Network (and, well, you know), and I figured I'd go through the lineup and give my predictions.

Hornswoggle vs. El Torito (Hair vs. Mask Match): Truth be told, who gives a shit? It feels like this "feud" should've ended already. Plus, they already ripped the tail from Torito's ass. What more could they do to him? Anyways, I assume that Torito will get his win back, and Hornswoggle will be a bald little man.

Rusev vs. Big E: Rusev's been on a roll, and that roll has been killing every nigga in sight. He ran through Xavier Woods and R-Truth at the last PPV, and this week he's going to decimate Big E. I only say that because they've spent too much time investing in Rusev (and red-lipped Lana). Big E has been on a downward slope and I don't think the WWE gives a shit about the Black Man who is wrestling, so "go Rusev!"

Divas Champion Paige vs. Alicia Fox: I liked when they put the title on Paige, as she's been shining on WWE NXT. Then they ran with a gimmick of Paige getting the shit kicked out of her in most of her TV matches, then pulling out one move to win the match in the end. This coincided with Alicia's turn as "I'm the crazy woman who bugs out when I lose matches," which resulted in some awkwardly compelling TV. The problem is, that gimmick only works if Alicia loses... her winning shouldn't result in her bugging out, right? I expect Paige to retain tonight.

United States Champion Sheamus vs. Cesaro: I'm hoping this match turns into something major; Sheamus won the US title then hasn't necessarily been booked as strong. Cesaro has been on the upswing (pun intended?) since before Mania, and I'm truthfully not sure where he's going. I've heard that, at some point, he's going face, but I'm not sure if that point is right now. Especially with Heyman as his manager. Regardless, this could be one of the better matches, with sheer power and determination murdering everything else. I might still go with Sheamus retaining, though.

Intercontinental Champion Bad News Barrett vs. Rob Van Dam: I can't front: I don't give a shit about this match. When Barrett won at Extreme Rules, I remember going through the IC reign Wiki page and realizing that he's held that particular belt once every year since 2011. Not surprisingly, it hasn't done much for his actual career. I'm also not big on RVD. I'm plugging for Barrett, just in hopes that his new "Bad News" gimmick can actually amount to something this time around... I'm not holding my breath, though.

John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt (Last Man Standing Match): This isn't over yet? Remember the days when a cage match actually ended a feud? Just, why? Why is Bray doing the Mick Foley "naming the city I'm in and singing with people" face shit when he's clearly supposed to be the heel? Why do people still ask if Cena is going to turn face? I assume Cena will win, but won't be surprised if the other Wyatts hold Cena down so he doesn't win. Whatever it is, nothing will be as cool as Wyatt's Mania entrance, so what are we even doing anymore?

The Shield vs. Evolution (No Holds Barred Elimination Match): This is the only reason to buy the card. They've done a great job of building this story without bullshit, and it being an elimination match will be interesting. I won't go into how it will go, but I feel Roman Reigns will end up overcoming all. Dude's next in line. Batista might get eliminated first, because Guardians of the Galaxy. No way Evolution wins this one.

I won't prematurely grade this PPV, but I have a feeling it'll be around C/C- range. Just not really jazzed about what's going on here.

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